I'm sick of acting 

I'm sick of wearing a mask

I'm tired of faking smile 

Ever since that day, I have been like this. 

I don't even know what am I exactly feeling anymore.

I don't know if my smile and laughter is real or fake

I have no idea if I've ever felt happy for the past 1 month

I don't even know when am I acting and when am I not

For no reason, my emotions can just change within 1 second

I'm sad

I'm disappointed

I'm scared

I'm afraid of losing you 

I'm lost

I feel lonely 

I feel left out 

I feel like no one cares anymore

I feel trap 

I overthink

I came up with lots of scary storyline that might happen. 

Even though it's kind of drama and unrealistic. 

I become more sensitive 

I become more emotional 

I become more mature and childish at the same time

I'm not strong anymore. 

I've become very weak to handle any feeling stuff

I've change to someone I don't know 

I've change to a complete different person I use to be 3 years ago

I've been thinking 

When will Grim Reaper take me away

What has God prepare for me?

Where will I end up at the end of my life?

Who and why am I living for?

How will my life end?

Are all those things worth it?

And yes I've been thinking about that thing again when I told myself not to. 

Both decisions are torture to me

I've no longer know what is the right things to do 

Ive no longer know what is happiness