A Night ended. It's time for the biggest thing I have ever plan and I have ever done in my whole life. Confessing to her even though I already know she will confirm say no. Well the result is what everyone expected and whoever knows about this confession has already warn me about what is gonna happen after that. True enough. We got a lot more awkward and hopefully I won't regret what I have done. The only thing I regret is that I might lose you. But I have no choice. The urge to confess to you again is making me suffocating. Like sometime I just can't accept the facts that you don't have feeling for me with all the action you did. I am not blaming you, it's just me, who always like to over think and cause myself to be in this state. Somehow I feel better after confessing to you although you reject me and we became a lot more awkward. Every decision has gains and loses, has pros and cons. After this confession I can see it more clearly that you really only want to treat me as a very good friend and nothing else. I am really grateful for that as after what we had been going through, you still willing to accept me as a very good friend. Next time I should really stop over thinking about your every action towards me, like sending selfies, complaining to me and more. But I doubt all this things will happen again. Ok maybe will, just maybe like months later... Need time to clear this awkwardness between us. I can understand why you reject me. It's okay. I just want to tell you I still love you that's all. I am sorry if I creep you out yesterday and sorry if I bring any trouble or problem to you. And I just want to say you can don't love me back and don't accept me but you can't stop me from loving you. So ya. And anyway the song I sang during A Night is for you. Hope you like it although I screw up the back part. 

I don't even know why I wrote all this posts. Is like all this is what I want to tell you but I don't dare let you know and let you know I have been blogging about you and let you read. I am sorry. I just don't have the courage. And I don't even know if you bother to read all this posts after you know about it. So it's ok. I just want you to be happy and hope I not causing any 烦恼 to you. 

NPVOICES - A Night

Yesterday was a great night. A Night is so important to me. Actually all NPVOICES event are important to me. Hahahah! I perform I wouldn't mind by he is we. I am happy to hear from joe that I have improve tremendously compare to last year A Night. At first I was afraid that I choose the wrong song. Cause I don't find my voice suit the chorus, but it's was alright for verse. Heng that joe actually like my performance. Wow!!! Hahahaha! Why I wow? Cause it's joe what. Hahaha! So ya. I been preparing this song since last year and I am glad that I mange to survive throughout the performance although I kind of screw up the back part. I was the fist few to perform and I am so happy that so many voices ppl support me. But sadly YiMin and mich mummy didn't manage to see my performance. So sad. :( Actually mummy manage to hear. Cause she at the door just cannot come in cause my performance start liao. Hehe! When laoshi and joe comment, I just find it very funny. They always prefer different things from my voice one. Total opposite. Joe prefer my low voice while laoshi prefer my higher voice hahah. Same like last year sia. Also total opposite. Hahah! Actually I prefer my lower voice hahaha. 😂😂😂 so ya... So performance continue. So sad that Veron is sick and she can't perform. She sing so nice! I really love her voice sia. Haize... Wasted. :( 

Break time. We went out to kind of help those that haven perform. So ya I kind of help Clara and kh. They sound very nice. Really very nice and they sound quite similar. Just that Clara got a lower tone and kh got a sweeter voice. They sound very good together. And indeed they did a great performance. 👍👏👏👏 and thx Siew, our camera women for the day, for helping us record some of the performance despite you are very tired. >< 

The answer is obvious. But it's ok. Cause I confess to you is to tell you that I don't like you but I still love you. I know it's very difficult for you to accept me and be with me. I know after I confess I am gonna lose you again and no one knows when we will be close again. But it's still ok. I just want to be honest to you and to myself. Everyone don't agree or support me with this decision. But they respect my decision. And I am thankful for that. I am blessed to have all of them in my life.

I have to admit I am stupid for making this decision even though I know the answer clearly. But it's ok. 

How amazing love can turn someone into another person and cause so many things to happen. Love, can make you stubborn and make you make all kind of stupid decision and make you such a dumbass for a period of time. Love, the greatest thing that everyone should receive and give. 

Its been days since i have been thinking about it. I really want confess to you again. but all my friends that i have ask say better don't confess. even the flipping of coin and using apps to help me decided also say don't confess. so i am confuse. i really don't know what to do now. to confess or not. i don't even know what i am thinking now. I am fine with you rejecting me(i guess) my main purpose of confessing to you again is to tell you how i feel about you but at the same time i don't want us to be awkward all over again and this time the situation might get worst. no one knows. i want to be honest with you and admit to everything i have done. i blog about you, i confess to you on NP confession and its recently and i am surprise my confession touches alot of people hearts, i still tweet about you, but i try not to, i ask you question on ask.fm, i stalk your twitter everyday, i stalk your instagram almost everyday and i always looking forward to read your blog and everytime i saw your picture i always stare at it for a few seconds more than other picture, and i just don't know why and i only realized after a few seconds. i am really sorry if all this creeps you out. i didn't mean it, people might say me stupid and dumb or no brain for telling you all this, but i just don't want to hide it from you anymore, i just want to be honest with you. cause i believe if you truly love someone, just be honest with them. Love is the biggest sacrifice, at least to me.
My friends were all right, no matter how many times they told me not to confess or how the coins and apps told me don't confess, i will still confess. now the problem is, i don't know when is the right time to confess. i was thinking of after ANight, but i scared i have no chance to confess and things might go wrong. i really don't know. i feel helpless...

Has anyone ever fall for someone, who gave you a feeling that no one has ever given you, and continue to love him/her despite he/she rejected you.
Has anyone felt stupid for doing so, but still continue?
Did anyone feel like you still got the chance to be with him/her even thought its clearly shown that you two are impossible.
People say after confess is either both of you become closer or become stranger. Its true for my situation, we become a lot more closer than i would have ever thought of it, but at the same time, i feel that we are awkward with each other, especially when our friends are around. When we are alone, we are perfectly fine and i love those moments.
Its been 7 months plus since i realized i fall for you. its been 5 months plus since i confess to you. Although i have been reject by you, i want to confess to you again. but i don't know if i am doing the right thing. and i don't know when is the right time to confess to you again. all i want to say is that, i love you and i want you to know that if the whole world turn their back on you, don't worry, as i will never ever turn my back on you, i will always be there for you.

It's been 7 months plus since I realized I fall for you. it's been 5 months plus since I confess to you on your birthday. I have never plan to fall for you, but I just did. You know, I have difficulties forgetting and letting go of my previous crush even though we stop texting, stop meeting often. At first I thought I will never forget her, until you came into my life. That's the moment I start to realized you are different. You give me a feeling that no one has ever given me. You are the first person I confess to. You are the first person I cry for. You are the first person that really affect me a lot. I get jealous, angry, sad and happy easily because of you. I did try to let you go. But I just can't and I feel that I have fallen too deep. It's like I will never get out of it. Some of my friends is starting to have a bad impression of you cause the way you treat me is like giving me false hope and they know I have been struggling with it, even though I try to act I am fine. I don't blame you for your action. I just don't want others to have bad impression of you. I know you been treating me like that cause you don't want lose me as a good friend. It's just me who always overthink. I really do hope I am not causing you any problem. I don't want to be your burden. I want to confess to you again and hope you can give me a chance. But I don't know when is the right time to confess to you and I don't know if I am doing the right things. I really don't wish to ruin our friendship. 

What did I do to deserve such a life now?

What did I do to deserve whatever I going through now. 

I not blaming anyone. I just want to know reason to everything that is happening now especially between you and me. I just want to know why god let you come into my life, and make me fall for you when it's clearly shown that me and you are not possible at all? I just want to know why are you still doing all this things to me like showing a sign that you actually like me but don't dare to be with me? Like you are giving me false hope, when you clearly told me we are impossible when I confess to you. I just want to know why one moment you treat me like we are very close and the next moment you treat me like we only know each other and that's all, like we not friend at all, just know each other. I just want to know after you know I like you, why we became even more close and at the same time more awkward. Why is loving someone so difficult? Why is letting go of someone, who give you a feeling that no one has ever given you, even more difficult? There is a lot more ques I want to know. But I guess I will never be able to find out all this answer I have been trying to look for. I want to let go and give up on all this ques that I have been thinking, but I just can't. Why do I have so many ques in my life and all this ques might remain as a mystery until the day I leave this world...