Now is study week and I have never thought that studying with Ohana in sch will be so much productive than me studying alone at home. Cause studying at home, mum will be on tv which will most probably distract me. And in sch when I saw all of them so hardcore studying, I somehow got the feel to study too. And that's how productive I have been the past 3 days. So the pass 2 days we have been meeting earlier than usual school time to meet for breakfast. Mon only meet for lunch, tues meet for Mac breakfast at 7am, and wed which is today, meet for breakfast at munch at 8am plus. Honestly I was quite surprise with myself. Cause I normally will late for class even though my class is at 9am. But meeting them in the morning kind of motivate me to wake up and be on time. Tues morning I even wake up earlier than the alarm clock. Wow! Ohana must be so important to me, that I feel so motivated to wake up early and study with them. 

So things happen this 2 days. My overly jealousy is killing me again. I hate how close she is with the 2 of them. Is like she seem more close to them than to me. But people always say she closer to me  than the rest. But that's not what I see. I hate how she private message them individually. I hate how she seems more happy when playing with them. I hate how she seems to have more fun when with them. So during this 2 days of studying, they have so much fun playing some computer games and I have to tolerate it at the side. If you know me well, you will know that I hate noisy place when I am in a bad mood. So is like they were having so much fun and of course will start screaming all this lah, it's really irritated me. Then I really almost break down, actually alr break down, cause got tears flowing down due to my stupid over jealousy. I just went out of the classroom to cool down. Tues I went out for like 30mins? And wed(today) I went out for more than 1 hours. Cause I really cannot. I am really boiling. I actually walk like one round around munch block and one round around BLK 56. Then stand at the pond near BLK 56, watching the tortoise and fishes. Somehow it kind of calm me down. Surprisingly. Then I am like why can't I be like those fishes so carefree, swimming around like no one business. So I manage to walk in with a calm down mind. But not long I piss off again. Cause he is sitting one seats away fr her when he actually nt sitting there. I am like. Why cant u go back sit. I know u like her lah. But why must u sit beside her. WHY! But luckily, one of my group chat convo and Yimin and Siew chat is very funny so it kind of make me smile and laugh a little. So once again I calm down. So ya... This is what actually kind of happen.

I don't blame anyone I have mention for this. I blame myself. Cause like very stupid. Is like it's been so long, nothing is done to it, then I myself suffer silently there. I know it's my own problem and I clearly know I am avoiding this problem. I run away from it instead of trying to solve it. But the problem is how to solve? Talk things out with her? Which will most probably affect our friendship. And I know a lot of ppl is getting annoyed by my problem, well yeah it's obv enough cause I was annoyed by it too. So ya I choose to run away fr this problem and suffer alone by myself. I don't want pull anyone in. At most I will only complain to Yimin and siew about it. That's all. But somehow this problem must be solve. So I have decided I shall use my intern period to have some reflection on this matter since I will hardly meet any of them, which might be a good thing. Hopefully I will solve this problem ASAP.

So someone told me not to care about her. Totally just treat her as normal friend. But I cannot cause I clearly know that if I don't care about her, I will most probably ignore her. Like really ignore, which will most probably put an end to this friendship. But both of us doesn't want to lose each other, cause we have talk about it before. We were afraid of losing each other. Yes maybe that's why ppl say we two seems very close. But what I feel is that, why she treat me differently compare to the rest. Like I am not important like that. Then sometime her action to me is like I got chance. But no I don't have. :/ stop having this stupid hope! haize... Ok I rant enough for the day. Even though after ranting I didn't really calm down, but still thanks blog! :)