It's been 7 months plus since I realized I fall for you. it's been 5 months plus since I confess to you on your birthday. I have never plan to fall for you, but I just did. You know, I have difficulties forgetting and letting go of my previous crush even though we stop texting, stop meeting often. At first I thought I will never forget her, until you came into my life. That's the moment I start to realized you are different. You give me a feeling that no one has ever given me. You are the first person I confess to. You are the first person I cry for. You are the first person that really affect me a lot. I get jealous, angry, sad and happy easily because of you. I did try to let you go. But I just can't and I feel that I have fallen too deep. It's like I will never get out of it. Some of my friends is starting to have a bad impression of you cause the way you treat me is like giving me false hope and they know I have been struggling with it, even though I try to act I am fine. I don't blame you for your action. I just don't want others to have bad impression of you. I know you been treating me like that cause you don't want lose me as a good friend. It's just me who always overthink. I really do hope I am not causing you any problem. I don't want to be your burden. I want to confess to you again and hope you can give me a chance. But I don't know when is the right time to confess to you and I don't know if I am doing the right things. I really don't wish to ruin our friendship. 

What did I do to deserve such a life now?

What did I do to deserve whatever I going through now. 

I not blaming anyone. I just want to know reason to everything that is happening now especially between you and me. I just want to know why god let you come into my life, and make me fall for you when it's clearly shown that me and you are not possible at all? I just want to know why are you still doing all this things to me like showing a sign that you actually like me but don't dare to be with me? Like you are giving me false hope, when you clearly told me we are impossible when I confess to you. I just want to know why one moment you treat me like we are very close and the next moment you treat me like we only know each other and that's all, like we not friend at all, just know each other. I just want to know after you know I like you, why we became even more close and at the same time more awkward. Why is loving someone so difficult? Why is letting go of someone, who give you a feeling that no one has ever given you, even more difficult? There is a lot more ques I want to know. But I guess I will never be able to find out all this answer I have been trying to look for. I want to let go and give up on all this ques that I have been thinking, but I just can't. Why do I have so many ques in my life and all this ques might remain as a mystery until the day I leave this world...

Holiday ending in a few mins time? soon... a new sem is gonna start. wonder how will it be. i hope it will be great. should stop slacking. aiming for at least 3 for gpa. say is easier than done. haize... been busy with aca during holi. didnt work or go overseas because of aca. i love my cca too much. aca is more stress than choir. wait is choir even stress? concert coming up soon. hope the reaming day to concert, i am able to manage both study and cca. jyjy np voices! hope queenA is able to survive... clock stirke 12am is the end of my holi and is also someone bday. row happy bday. actually i wan to ask her this ques. r we best friend!? it really puzzle me. can best friend have 2? i really dont know. i wan to know the ans but i dont know who to ask...
say byebye to holi and hello to a whole new sem... :)

I MISS YOU ♥ TE AMO ♥

HOLI...

Half of the holiday have past. been busy on aca and watching running man. haha! alot of ppl quit aca. very sad. :'( greta and wk why you 2 go quit aca. boohoo! T.T suddenly aca lost a bit of fun. haize... especially greta in our group, then we always say each other. so fun. now no one go crazy with me liao. should have see all our reaction from QueenA when we hear she quit from naomi. its the same sia. i was touch when i heard naomi say the 2 of them bought food for us from batam. aww... but all with greta. :/ so the next day practice, we meet up earlier with greta and have a 'farewell party' with all the food. i love being with them. feel very relax, fun... we talk about 'that thing' thing i scared most. damn screw whoever start that topic. :( haha! but it really fun with them.
success watching finish almost half of the running man episode. :P running man is getting less funny. haize... i still prefer one group chaser one group mission group one. with the bell so thrilling. how i wish i got the chance to play that. so thats how my holiday is. not working cause i scared it will affect my progress in aca. i need focus on that, to get a chance to perform during the concert. kekekeke. :P

me always there for you...

yOU ask me out again... I am very happy. love being with you, especially when we are going out alone together. love it when you are the one that ask me out. you even 'book' me during holidays le. haha! Watching movie with you is the happiest thing ever. i know that whenever you watch movie, you will cry at those touching or sad scene. i just wish i can lend you my shoulder to lie on or put my arms around you so you can lie on me, feel comfortable. But i dont have the courage to tell you that. I just hope i will be able to tell you that one day. I promise i will go back and see you. But just too much project and work need to be done. no time. i know people will say this is just excuses, but i also know you will understand me. sry that i cant be there when you are so stress or when you needed someone... so sry... :(
You have been emoing ah. what's wrong babe. i know you have been quarreling with your family this few days. i guess is because you are too stress up. Tell me lah. dont keep it all to yourself leh. my heart will pain when i saw what you wrote on twitter. Don't make me worry about you. You know i will always be there for you... Really hope holidays will come now so i can meet you right away. MISS YOU SO MUCH!<3
P.S I LOVE YOU

Yeah, It's Just Me: what i did was unforgivable... unforgivable...

Yeah, It's Just Me: what i did was unforgivable... unforgivable...: I know the feeling when you get rejected. I cant say i know it best. But i have sure felt it before. My stubborn mind tells me that you ca...

babe! its not your fault. it can be forgive. don't think so much after you have rejected him. don't let it bother you. and i don't agree to what you say. You still can find true love at this age. :) don't because of one screw up relationship and ruin your mindset towards true love. u know i will always be there for you! <3

EverAfterSmile

sO happy to see u yesterday! <3 so happy that you are the one that ask me out. cant wait to meet you on Monday again. i love to watch movie with friends, especially you... actually when you say ur friends gonna watch movie with us, i don't really like, cause i only wan to watch with you alone and i very scared that if ur friends come tag along, u will walk with ur friends and ignore me. but u didn't. instead u keep walking with me. well... look like u are still very close to me. and i hope our relationship will always be so close... starting to miss you le! <3 love you! <3